In Memory Of Darling Mike

I found this online and thought it really fit Mike. This is dedicated to you Darling Mike.

"If Tears Could Build A Stairway"

If tears could build a stairway

And memories were a lane

We would walk right up to heaven

And bring you back again

No farewell words were spoken

No time to say goodbye

You were gone before we knew it

And only God knows why

Our hearts still ache in sadness

And secret tears still flow

What it meant to lose you

No one can ever know

But now we know you want us

To mourn for you no more

To remember all the happy times

Life still has much in store

Since you'll never be forgotten

We pledge to you today

A hallowed place within our hearts

Is where you'll always stay

I feel like I can relate to Paul McCartney of the Beatles and his sadness at the passing of his late first wife Linda. It reminds me of Mike and I. I read where Paul and Linda only spent a few nites apart from each other in all their yrs of marriage . Mike and I never spent a nite apart in 23 yrs of marriage. I found on the internet some quotes of Paul that touched me and I could relate with. So I thought I'd share them here. This is only the relevant quotes and not the whole article.

"For about a year, I found myself crying—in all situations, anyone I met. Anyone who came over, the minute we talked about Linda, I'd say, 'I'm sorry about this. I've got to cry.' "

" MCCARTNEY: And so, sorry. What was your question? I was fooling around here.

Larry King : Linda. Dealing with loss.

MCCARTNEY: How do you deal with loss?

KING: I mean, this was a someone you were with for how many years? 30 years?

MCCARTNEY: I cried -- I -- 30 years. I cried a lot.

KING: You knew it was coming.

MCCARTNEY: Yeah, yeah. We knew it was coming, but you -- we tried to pretend we didn't know it was coming. The last couple of weeks, I knew it was coming. I don't know. It's just impossible to talk about it.

KING: I don't want to dwell on it. Do you get angry?

MCCARTNEY: No. No, not really angry. No. I cried a lot. That was the truth of the matter. I just thought -- some friends of mine, particularly some of the doctors who were kind of advising, said: "Throw yourself into work. Get busy. Do stuff, do stuff." And I just couldn't. So I just thought, "That doesn't sound right to me." So I didn't do anything. I just let it all happen.

So sometimes I'd be sitting around people and just burst out crying. And instead of doing the manly thing and saying, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't do it." I would just go, "Oohhh," and just cried a lot.

KING: In a business where women are at your fingertips, I mean, rock stars -- and who's bigger than the Beatles? -- how did your relationship last so long?

MCCARTNEY: We loved each other. Quite simple. I think what the other thing was we'd both sown our wild oats before we got together. So I'd known a lot of girls, she'd known a lot of guys, and I think we were kind of fed up with playing the field by the time we got together. And we loved each other. So we were able to say: "You know what? Let's knock that stuff on the head and let's get it on.""

McCartney 'cries over Beatles songs'
Sir Paul McCartney has revealed that he often gets emotional when he performs songs that remind him of The Beatles and his late wife Linda.

The singer, who kicks off his European tour in Germany on December 2, admitted that he isn't worried about shedding a tear on stage when he thinks about his former bandmates.

"You are in contact with them again through the songs. In a way I'm revisiting them. It's sad and emotional," he said.

"I couldn't have done it when I was 18 years old because I would not have allowed myself to cry or go anywhere near that stuff. But now it's OK. I'm used to it."

More quotes from another article:

She was his best friend, his wife, his lover, in 30 years of marriage, Paul McCartney barely spent a night away from Linda. Now in a heart-searching interview with Rebecca Hardy of The Daily Mail, Sir Paul tells the full story of their inspirational romance and Linda’s courageous battle against breast cancer.

The former Beatle says he kept the terrible knowledge from the woman he refers to as “my girlfriend, lover and wife”, believing she would prefer not to know. ‘I knew a week or so before she died,’ he says. ‘I was the only one who knew. One of the doctors said she ought to be told but I didn’t want to tell her because I didn’t think she’d want to know.’
Sir Paul, 56, has told of the poignant last days of Linda’s life in a deeply moving interview about their love. It is the first time he has spoken about his wife’s courageous battle against breast cancer since her death in April 1998.
He has sought professional counselling in an attempt to come to terms with his devastating loss. ‘I got a counsellor because I knew that I would need some help,’ he says. ‘He was great, particularly in helping me get rid of my guilt. Whenever anyone you care about dies, you wish you’d been perfect all the time you were with them. I wasn’t; That made me feel very guilty after Linda died.

The other day Sir Paul McCartney absent-mindedly picked up the telephone to talk to his wife. He used to phone her all the time throughout their 30-year marriage; and then she died in April 1998.
“It’s the little things that really get you. I think I’ll phone her, and then say oh Christ.”
Paul is rarely far from tears these days. crying helps, he says - at least for a while.
Linda McCartney, or Lin as Paul preferred, died in her husband’s arms following a courageous two-and-a-half year battle against breast cancer.

Linda died shortly after 5 am on 17 April
at the family ranch in Arizona.
Paul did not sleep for the next three nights; a dreadful grief swamped each day. It still does.
Paul and Linda had spent barely a night apart during this, one of pop’s most enduring partnerships. Paul saw little point. He truly adored Linda; she was his best friend, wife, lover and mother to four children, Heather, Mary, Stella and James.
If I had the option to stay away the night
or travel back, I’d travel back home.
It wasn’t out of a sense of duty,”
he says. “I just thought, what’s the point of spending the night in this hotel, in this cold bed, when she’s back there? “We just fancied each other. That was the whole root, the whole essence of our love. It wasn’t always idyllic. It was a marriage and we had rows. It was nearly always my insecurities that caused the rows between us which has left me with quite a bit of guilt. The guilt’s a real bugger.
“Whenever anyone dies you do think, oh I wish I’d been an angel for the whole of my life. But I wasn’t, so I was getting into heavy guilt when she died. “Then I thought, hang on a minute.
We were just human. That was the beautiful thing about our marriage. We weren’t king or queen someone or other. we were just a boyfriend and girlfriend having babies.”
A few months after Linda’s death,
Paul contacted friend Geoff Emerick, The Beatles’ recording engineer, who had also lost his wife to cancer. He asked Geoff to work with him on Linda’s album. They christened those shared days in the studio ‘the tears and laughter sessions.’
“We shed a lot of tears,” says
Paul. “We’d be sitting there listening to a poignant ballad and crying, then the next song would be an outrageous tongue-in-cheek track and so we’d be laughing. The best thing for getting it all out of your system is tears. Even though I’m from a generation that used to hold them in - and in Liverpool when my mum died we did a lot of holding the tears in - I am no longer remotely like that. I just let it out. People I speak to say it’s supposed to be the best thing. I can’t help myself anyway, because Lin and I were just so tight.”

I also came across some videos on the internet where he did a song in tribute to Linda and also a song in tribute to John Lennon and George Harrison . and he ended up crying singing the song. It was sooo sad.

Also Paul talks about how he didn't sleep for 3 nites. I can relate to that cuz when Mike passed, I didn't sleep for either 24 or 48 hrs. Couldn't sleep.

Anyway I could relate to alot of what he said so I was glad to find all that online. I had another dream where Mike was alive for a yr and not dead. He had his heart attack but was in the hospital for a yr cuz they couldn't find out how to contact me. All he had on was the clothes he was wearing. I had to tell him I was sorry I had to get rid of alot of our stuff and his Elvis stuff. he said , you got rid of my Elvis stuff. I told him I would have to take him and buy him more clothes to wear. Fortunately, I've had some good dreams where Mike is alive and we go places and do thing like eat out, shop and travel. But I hate waking up from them cuz it means he is dead again.

It's not easy but one day at a time I guess...